shipwreckedcomedy: Join us Sunday for our second livestream of…

Friday, June 16th, 2017

shipwreckedcomedy:

Join us Sunday for our second livestream of the Gilded Lily Kickstarter! Since Sunday is Father’s Day, we’ll be talking about dad stuff, and writing names of people who pledge or increase their pledge and put them on the wall, of course! We’ll also be announcing the winner of our Fan Art contest and have some other fun announcements, too! Don’t miss it!

THE CASE OF THE GILDED LILY IS NOW LIVE ON KICKSTARTER!

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airyairyquitecontrary: emirael: emirael: emirael: emirael: emirael: I lost my father to…

Monday, May 15th, 2017

airyairyquitecontrary:

emirael:

emirael:

emirael:

emirael:

emirael:

I lost my father to Pokemon Go and I regret so many life decisions. I’m the one who told him about the game. I’m the one who initially encouraged him. What have I done?

Now he starts every phone call with a Pokemon update. He gets all the names wrong and asks me what a Dragonite is called every time he brings up the “fat fighting orange dragon”

It’s gotten so bad he’s started watching the anime on Netflix. Help.

Okay adding to this. My dad isn’t great at remembering the names of things. So during our pokemon update phone calls, he says shit like this:

“I have a cool pineapple head now!”

“I was down to my last stripey ball trying to catch the blue dragon snake. I told him if he ran away I was gonna be so mad.”

“And the gym had one of those big fat orange dragons!” (he still can’t remember what a Dragonite is called)

BUT THEN. but then. he’s also like, OUTRAGEOUSLY into it now? He’s level 27 and talks about how “the gym wars are brutal, babe,” and how long it takes to take down a level 10 gym? (LEVEL T E N)

And a couple weeks ago he called me to talk about the merits of the old-style Gyrados (which he pronounces guy-rad-os sorry I can’t stop him) that has the dragon breath move, versus the new ones that don’t because Niantic made a change. And he has like 6 Gyrados because his work is by a Magikarp nest or something? HOW MANY fucking magikarp do you catch for 6 gyrados? He’s about to evolve two more. H E L P.

and he says shit like, “Learning about individualized values really radicalized my thinking.” and he means it. Before he evolves ANY pokemon he googles CP estimates and has a pokemon calculator??

This morning he called me because he finally has enough Dratini candy to evolve a fat fighting dragon and wanted to talk about which Dragonair he should evolve. (One with high CP but bad IVs, one with medium-high CP, but okay IVs, and one with the lowest CP of the 3, but A+ IVs) And at this point he’s so far beyond my skill with the game (he’s been higher-leveled than me for months now) that I don’t even know what to tell him. I literally can’t advise him.

My father is more of a pokemon master than I ever was. The other day he texted me the team rocket theme song.

Team Instinct. I told him I was Team Valor when I first told him about the game and he was like, “Okay I’ll join your team babe!”

And then idk he forgot?? And when his account crashed after a week he did a Pikachu restart (that should have tipped me off about the impending obession tbh) and he picked Instinct again.

I ain’t even mad bruh. He so clearly belongs in Instinct. He’s happy there. It’s his natural habitat. Before work he goes and meets up with some other Instinct people to take the Georgetown Cupcake gym in DC. It’s super cute.

My dad will be your Team Instinct dad if you need one

So my dad has always been in the habit of getting to work early. I don’t know wtf he used to do, but now when he gets in early, he goes to the Georgetown Cupcake gym in DC and apparently teams up with “some friends I’ve never met” to take down the gym for Team Instinct.

Then he goes to work and keeps the game open so he can grab Magikarp every couple minutes. Apparently his work is like ON a friggin nest.

He keeps his Pokemon Go habit a secret at work. Nobody knows. On his lunch break, he says, “hey I’m gonna go for a walk” and goes on a 12-pokestop loop. He makes sure to hit up the local Dratini and Pikachu nests (the presence of which is UNFAIR AF). He also take a few minutes to reinforce ‘his’ gym, by which point has been under attack a few times.

At work, he keeps his phone on data instead of wifi (he has unlimited data. For some godforsaken reason he went through 30GB/mo BEFORE Pokemon Go.) because that means his avatar jumps around a bit more?? He says he opens and closes the app a few times to reset it and get the GPS connection to reset and nab him a few pokemon.

Apparently he gets about 140 pokeballs a day. And goes through them all.

This got a new batch of notes, so here’s a Dad Update.

He has 114 Pikachu candy. I hate him. Apparently he’s watching the anime almost every night. He’s on season 2. I think he’s just gonna go through and watch it A L L which is a prospect so terrifying it needs no explanation.

Out of the 6 Gyrados he’s evolved, he’s kept the top 3. He sent me some screencaps the other day of his current top-contender Magikarp and the pokedex entry, where you can see he’s caught 585 of them.

Five hundred eighty five. Who tf has TIME for that??

Apparently he still hasn’t decided which Magikarp to evolve.

He should make level 28 in a day or so.

this dad will truly protect the world from devastation

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margotkim: margotkim: So I came home from work today and there was a kindle addressed to me that I…

Tuesday, April 11th, 2017

margotkim:

margotkim:

So I came home from work today and there was a kindle addressed to me that I did not remember ordering. I spent the afternoon trying to figure out how I accidentally purchased a kindle from Amazon, and when I came back from hanging out with Catherine, I told my parents, guys, you will not believe what I accidentally ordered for myself. 

“Huh,” said Dad very casually. “Did you get charged for it?” 

I spent the next five minutes checking my bank account and came back into the living room to announce, “No, I didn’t. Do you think it’s a mistake? But it has my name on it! what does this mean”

It was around the time that I started to sound panicked that Dad confessed to buying it for me (“I didn’t realize the mystery of it would be so terrifying”). Which was very, very sweet and slightly unfortunate because yesterday I purchased a replacement kindle for myself. 

So anyway, we now have a family kindle 

Me and Mom were talking about the kindle this morning, and she told me about how a few weeks ago, she got into her car only to discover that it had been mysteriously cleaned.

“But who would do this?” she said to my father who said he was sure he had no idea. “A student? A stranger? Someone who broke into my car to steal it but felt bad about how dirty it was? WHO??”

Eventually Dad was like, “Honey. It was clearly me.”

Poor Dad just wants to be a man who expresses his love through silent actions, but his family consists of panicked, suspicious women who apparently are very sure that strangers will ominously do nice things for us

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What was it like growing up with a professional musician as a…

Wednesday, March 1st, 2017

What was it like growing up with a professional musician as a father? Was he off on tour a lot? Did he ever take you with him?

It all seemed very normal to me as I didn’t know any different. I remember trying to get in his suitcase once when he was in between tours. Harry my brother and I never went with dad, we were always more interested in the presents when he got home! We went to a lot of rehearsals, and I was in the Missing link video. I’m the little girl jumping on a sofa in the rain holding on to a rope. I remember asking for them to not have the music on while they were filming me as it was too loud and scary.

Rose Berlin, 2013

Video: Curve, Missing Link, dir. Richard Heslop

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From an interview accompanying the 2013 release of Delusional Waste

Wednesday, March 1st, 2017

Michael McCarthy: You’re the face of SPC ECO today, being that you’re the only one pictured in the promo photos and such. Were there always photos of you ever since SPC ECO started or did you prefer not to be seen initially? If you deliberately weren’t pictured early on, at what point did you decide to change that and what prompted the change?
Rose Berlin: I’m in the photos because dad didn’t want to be in them. Dad is old and fat now so probably best he stays in the shadows..lol!

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Coraline, Rose BerlinI see you thereAnd I wonder how and…

Friday, February 24th, 2017

Coraline, Rose Berlin

I see you there
And I wonder how and why
I’m here I see her there
Always wanted
Always wanted someone who’d
Pay me attention
Oh well now I’ve got it
So why do I feel so alone?

We are small but we are many
We are many we are small
We were here before you rose
And we will be here when you fall

Inside her eyes
There’s nothing
But a face
No complexion and no life
Even though I can’t see
What she’s thinking
I can tell
Somehow I see her there

We have teeth and we have tails
We have tails and we have eyes
We were here before you fell
And we will be here when you rise

Other mother
See me cry
Have pity
All I want is to be at home
There’s nothing
There

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abigaillarson: Another piece for Mab’s Drawlloween – the prompt…

Thursday, October 13th, 2016

abigaillarson:

Another piece for Mab’s Drawlloween – the prompt was “The Addams Family” so I drew a very young Wednesday and her daddy having a little father-daughter outing ♡

And just to let you know, right now take 15% off EVERYTHING in my shop all day (October 13th 2016)

Follow the rest of my #drawlloween pieces on my IG

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fragileliquid: parentheticalaside: fozmeadows: jenndoesnotcare: I just left my husband alone…

Sunday, August 28th, 2016

fragileliquid:

parentheticalaside:

fozmeadows:

jenndoesnotcare:

I just left my husband alone with our two children for sixteen days. I was not worried about anything regarding the house, their food, or their wellbeing. I put all the appointments in the family calendar and my husband checked it and kept them. I literally did not worry about them. I missed them, and I was sad that they missed me, but I didn’t worry about them AT ALL. I need to impress upon you all that I missed their company, but was not worried for their welfare.

I also did no meal prep. I don’t even think I went shopping right before I left.

This is not about apples and oranges. This isn’t even about my husband. This is about the fact that this is apparently WEIRD.

Another mum at my daughter’s school is leaving for ten days. She’s taking her youngest (who is a very small baby) and leaving her husband with their two girls. She has been cooking for days preparing freezer meals. She’s panicking and deputizing her six year old to remind him how to make school lunches. AND I AM APPALLED.

A) He is definitely not helpless. (He’s a doctor or something.) What gendered bullshit. B) THAT LITTLE GIRL IS NOT OLD ENOUGH TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR HER AND HER SISTER’S WELLBEING. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. C) Why is she married to this person and creating children with him if he’s this big of an idiot?

While she was laughingly recounting this, the other mums were nodding and smiling sympathetically, like oh yes, I too have my caveman at home!! Such managing required! I was the only one who was like “Dude, he’ll be fine. Literally. He will be fine.” I said it a lot. She was not convinced. She kept bringing up her older daughter. She’ll be like a little mum!

NO.

NO NO NO NO.

NO.

Straight women, don’t do this shit. It’s gross. Don’t infantilize your husbands and then expect your daughters to pick up the slack. So fucking gross. So. So. GROSS.

The fact that so many adults think a six year old girl is more capable of learning and performing basic domestic tasks than a grown-ass man says it all, really. 

This stuff is so toxic and awful. I told a car full of women one time that I refused to be in another relationship until I met a man who was capable of making his own doctors’ appointments and washing the dishes. They told me I was going to die alone.

Fuck this shit. Don’t enable men’s incompetence and label it cute.

This. A few years ago, I went to Italy for 10 days with my choir. I missed my husband and 15 month old son so much, and I cried when I said goodbye, but I never worried my hubby couldn’t handle…anything, really. No meals prepped, no emergency numbers given…nada. And they were perfectly happy and healthy when I got back.

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whynotshesaid-deactivated201311: “My favorite story out of this…

Thursday, August 4th, 2016

whynotshesaid-deactivated201311:

“My favorite story out of this is Malia, when she was 4, she had a little dance thing. Well, Michelle was gone that weekend so I’m taking her to ballet. And I get her in her little leotard and her little stuff. I did her hair, put it in a little bun.

We get to the dance studio and one of the mothers there right away comes up to Malia – she thinks she’s out of earshot of me and she says, ‘Sweetie, do you want me to redo your hair?’ And Malia who she’s 4 says, ‘Yes please, this is a disaster’. You know, she didn’t want to hurt daddy’s feelings.”

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“I have only seen it 18 times,” he said. “It’s very difficult to get tickets.”

Monday, June 20th, 2016

“I have only seen it 18 times,” he said. “It’s very difficult to get tickets.”

Luis Miranda, Jr.

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thefederalistfreestyle:

Friday, January 29th, 2016

thefederalistfreestyle:

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What exactly are you trying to say, Tumblr?

Wednesday, December 16th, 2015

What exactly are you trying to say, Tumblr?

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Photo

Monday, December 14th, 2015

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calmdad: If you’re an adult, especially if you’re new to being an adult, you need to start being…

Wednesday, December 9th, 2015

calmdad:

If you’re an adult, especially if you’re new to being an adult, you need to start being aware of how your interactions with minors will affect them. It doesn’t matter if you still feel like a teenager and it doesn’t matter if your underage friends are super duper mature in your conversations with them. As an adult, it is up to you to place boundaries and not cross them for the sake of keeping the minors in your life safe. It is up to you to know what is and isn’t appropriate to say and do to them. Please think critically about the way you interact with minors and don’t hassle them, pressure them, or make them feel unsafe for any reason under any circumstances. You’re the adult. You should know better.

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“Dear Father Christmas: It is years since i wrote to you. I hope this letter finds you well and…”

Tuesday, December 8th, 2015

Dear Father Christmas:

It is years since i wrote to you.
I hope this letter finds you well and that the snow is still continuing to fall up in lapland.

Here it is mosly rain, not even jumper weather yet! But the christmas albums are already being played in the shops.
That must be so embarrassing to you.

I know this year will be exceptionally busy for you.
We all expect a little too much of you now i think.
And there are so many imposters on television.
Even in the street.

Since i wrote to you last when i was 9 i have tried to be good. But sometimes failed spectacularly.
I have also tried to do what i’m told but often have delighted in doing the exact opposite but always i have tried to give love and try not to cause hurt.

So
Dear father christmas
What i’m saying is ..

Now that i’m 47. If i have any last remaining credit with you, i have just these small requests.

That my kids have a beautiful christmas.
With love and understanding and peace.
Perhaps some heavy snow? That would be really great.
And can you sent the precious things that will really mean something to them?
And can you send them some hope for the future. That is very important.

I won’t ask you to solve the problems of the human race. These are our problems alone.

But perhaps this year you could consider not giving any presents to oil company executives and the politicans whose influence they buy?

And for me? Just some reading glasses :/ the blue ones

Yours completely sincerely

Thom.

P.S. Thanks for the zx81 computer when i was 11. That was really wicked.

Thom Yorke’s letter to Father Christmas (x)

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mulaneysbutt: My dad loved us, he just didn’t care about our…

Wednesday, November 18th, 2015

mulaneysbutt:

My dad loved us, he just didn’t care about our general happiness or self-esteem!

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colehersch: The Dad

Tuesday, November 10th, 2015

colehersch:

The Dad

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adventuretime: fruitpinch:i was in the car with my dad and he said to me, “hey theres a sticker on…

Tuesday, June 23rd, 2015

adventuretime:

fruitpinch:

i was in the car with my dad and he said to me, “hey theres a sticker on that car with uh, that guy on it” and the car drove away before i could see it so my dad was trying to describe it to me he was like, “his face is inside of his hat” and i was like dad what in the world are you trying to say. so later i had completely forgotten about the whole thing but apparently he was still hung up on it cause he handed me a piece of paper with a small drawing on it and said “this is the guy”

image

“This is the guy.”

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echojardini:lies My tumblr friends know what I like.

Sunday, March 22nd, 2015

echojardini:

lies

My tumblr friends know what I like.

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This bag of Doritos® I found around the house

Monday, January 19th, 2015

This bag of Doritos® I found around the house:

mydadreviews:

Despite all appearances, I am not made of money. Though my refined palette and cultured tastes may exude the very spitting image of wealth, I am like any other impoverished person out there: a self-employed blogger who can barely afford their second TV. It’s a real struggle, especially in Obama’s…

The “sponsored posts” tag is occasionally surreal.

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