The most difficult part of growing up is something a lot of adults never do.
When we’re young, we often hurt the people around us because we don’t know any better. Part of childhood is learning that our actions affect others and being taught how to do right by others. But when children hurt others in ignorance, it’s not their fault because it’s inevitable and it’s the responsibly of adults to teach them to do better.
But there’s the thing. There’s a lesson in the way we accidentally hurt others as children, beyond the specifics of “use your words”, “when someone else is hurting, listen to them rather than making it about you”, “don’t call someone that, it’s cruel”. The lesson is that ignorance hurts. Not knowing any better results in us hurting other people.
And that may be unintentional, but by the time we are adults we should all know that it is inevitable. Which is why as adults we need to let go of the excuse “I didn’t know”. Because yeah sure maybe you didn’t know. But you’re an adult. You’ve learned the hard way that not knowing gets people hurt. So why didn’t you know? Could you have known better if you’d done your research, paid better attention?
When one is a child, innocence in wrongdoing is judged by whether or not you knew better. But among adults? Innocence is properly judged not by whether or not you knew better, but by whether or not you could have known better. Because as adults we should all know the damage our own ignorances can do.
This is the hardest lesson of growing up. Learning that innocence in ignorance doesn’t make you less responsible for the harm you do. That it is your responsibility to fix the “I didn’t know better” gaps in your understanding of the world before they hurt others, not after.
“The message of ‘USS Callister’ is pretty universal. None of us really know what we’re capable of until it’s asked of us and we’re pushed to that limit. Then on another level, it’s amazing to see this woman fight to win this battle against this small-minded, misogynistic bully. Especially because we shot this episode right after Trump was elected. To say that wasn’t going through my mind would be a lie. That’s not necessarily what they wrote on the page — they wrote the episode before the election — but I just love that there is this story of this woman who you write off at first, who just seems small. She’s meek and very polite and always does the right thing, and yet she has a lion inside her. And in the end, she wins. I think it’s amazing.”
— ‘Black Mirror’: Cristin Milioti on Battling a “Misogynistic Bully” in Empowering Space Epic [x]
the biggest lesson im learning is that nothing is as extreme or as permanent as our emotions convince us they are. nothing is certain and things are always fluctuating and there are always exceptions and there are always mistakes. there is always pain and there is always love. everything is a delicate touch away from changing
wow i genuinely forgot how much i fucking love fury road and how many miles of barbed wire that movie disentangled from around my heart.
there was something in there. the, like, literal rock foundation of respect–i think. the hope. before we the americans elected trump, before brexit, before the world started just outright trying to burn itself alive.
maybe that’s a good thing to go back to, now–that respect, that hope. that entire movie is “home can be fixed even if it’s fucked up,” and, well, we’re doing a hell of a lot of fucking up right now as a species. but maybe we can fix it. we just have to dig in our heels and bleed a little about it.
god i forgot what genuinely liking something without qualifications or reservations felt like–that’s a weird fucking feeling.
