Nothing (at all) against the adam cole/kyle o’reilly/wrestling fandom. But this is not something to which I’ve ever considered giving any of my attention.
Which means one of two things is true:
1. There actually is some deep and hitherto unsuspected-by-me affinity between the things I overtly like and interact with here and the recommended post. Like, if I spend the time to dig into it I will find that this is the best thing ever and I will spend my days grateful to the wise Tumblr recommendation engine for sending it my way.
2. The Tumblr recommendation engine is, in fact, a complete ass.
Every time I start bleeding internally again (with my autoimmune disorder) there’s always a part of me, now, that immediately launches into “impending doom”. I think some of that is from being continually hospitalized in 2015-2018, and not knowing, back then, if I would be able to eat without a tube ever again. And having regained my health, and ability to eat, there’s this balance of terror and grace. And so much of life is holding both of those truths simultaneously without pitting them against each other. Yes, this is scary and difficult, and also yes, I’ve been extended more time and grace than most (people with similar chronic disorders). Maybe that’s what Rilke meant by “For beauty is nothing, but the beginning of terror, which we still are just able to endure, and we are so awed because it serenely disdains to annihilate us. Every angel is terrifying.”
To parent is to grow a piece of you and then have it leave again and again and again. Not gestation and birth, but the process of parenting. You have a part of your heart, naked and exposed to all the joys and pains of the world without your own ribcage to protect it. And they are your love manifested and focused, but your child is not you, they are their own person, and their life and development is their own, but you can’t help that spidering fractals of self and other and love and hurt.
Being open, exposed, unprotected, feels uncomfortable but when you see where it comes, the fear is replaced with possibility. Your life moves like the clouds not knowing what shape will find you, this shapelessness allows you to experience a deep intimacy with the nature of things. This vulnerability gives birth to love, belonging, courage, empathy, and creativity.
Sometimes when I am trying to get cladonia to release spores, I pipet a tiny drop of water onto the top of their podetia just like this picture, and it is sooooo satisfying.
why are you people in the notes comparing sharing your first name, in the tags, to your address, or credit card number, or ssn?
you’ve said it yourself, tumblr: names are fake and made up, you can put whatever name you like in the tags- and if you’re uncomfortable with sharing personal info, then just don’t? i mean it’s not asking for a dead name, it’s not requiring minors to partake, it’s a tag game? no ones forcing you to do this.
im not shaming you for not wanting to share personal info, im shaming you for thinking it’s as deep as it is.
Itās true I didnāt think this through when I submitted it. But also, yeah. The performative outrage on other peopleās behalf around here does get tiresome.
Glad to have given you the chance to loudly and defiantly declare that no, you wonāt put your real name, and how DARE someone suggest you might, and WHOMST INDEED WILL THINK OF THE CHILDRENS???!!!
But also yeah, should have thought that through a bit more.
Your scary Internet pal, John. Or Lies. Or whatever.
