Archive for January, 2022

Wednesday, January 26th, 2022

icarus-suraki:

iamthedukeofurl:

asimovsideburns:

anais-ninja-bitch:

asimovsideburns:

asimovsideburns:

anais-ninja-bitch:

asimovsideburns:

asimovsideburns:

asimovsideburns:

Sherlock Holmes modern adaptation but the main characters (Sherlock, Watson, Mrs. Hudson, Irene Adler, and maybe even Lestrade) are all vampires and they’ve just been doing their thing since the time period of the original books

Irene gets to be from New Jersey like she is in canon and she’ll occasionally show up and help Sherlock with a case but they don’t ever date or hook up or anything

OR… Lestrade isn’t a vampire, but there’s been generations of Lestrades, and they all have to deal with this guy

the latest one isn’t even a cop she works nights at the 7-11 and Sherlock keeps coming in at 2am to slam two gallons of Monster Energy and ask her what what the fuck an “amogus” is (it’s case related) and tell her how much better she is at lateral thinking than her tragically straightforward ancestor and also is her girlfriend still going to school to be a defense attorney, how’s she handling the workload

okay, but who turned them and when? bc there is a lot of delicious angst and goofiness to be exlored if say:

irene has kids before being turned and is invested in her descendants

john was already with mary and has to see her age and pass

mrs. hudson is the vampire queen

the lestrades are like. the opposite of the vanhelsings. generational disinterest in vampires, but the holmes enclave keeps roping them back in.

1) Irene adopts and yes she is The Cool Grandma for generations of children forevermore

2) Mary is also a vampire, she got turned at the same time as John, she and Sherlock have Wine Wednesdays every third Saturday of the month

3) Mrs. Hudson is immortal but she’s not a vampire and nobody can figure out what her deal is

4) absolutely 100% correct

whenever anybody asks how they got turned the response is something along the lines of “that was like. Over five years ago. How do you expect me to even remember that.” or “idk man I just woke up like this” or “got bitten by a mosquito on a case” and it’s never the same twice

Yes the Sherlock Holmes books exist and whenever they’re brought up Watson gets very upset that this dude stole his writing and considers him his archnemesis despite the fact that Doyle is a totally normal human and dead as hell

imagine Watson’s frothing rage at the Doyle estate insisting Holmes can never be shown having emotions. like he didn’t personally watch Sherlock weep during the moon landing.

Holmes and Watson are embroiled in a legal battle against the Doyle estate and have been for almost 100 angry, angry years

this is only ever mentioned in passing for comedic effect

Okay, but consider

The Problem (Aka Sherlock Holmes) doesn’t hit ALL The Lestrades, only those that Holmes can rightfully refer to as “Inspector Lestrade”. 

Obviously, police inspectors and detectives are affected by The Problem (as family lore refers to Holmes) but, like, subsequent generations have learned how loose the definition is. 

Our latest Lestrade, let’s call her Billie, gets called up by her boss one day, and her boss is like “hey, Corporate says somebody at the store needs to know about health regulations and stuff. If you take a couple night classes and get this certification, we’ll give you a bonus on your next paycheck, and one of your jobs will be to sign off that we don’t have mold everywhere”. And Billie is like “Sure, sound good, whatever” and goes to the night classes and takes the test at the end and the tired bureaucrat who runs the course is like “Okay, congratulations, you’re now a Certified Health And Hygiene Inspector (Class D-Small Retail Food Storage and Service)”  And Billie just freezes and is like “Ummmm, is it possible to get something different? Maybe I can be a Health and Hygine Expert?

And the bureaucrat is like “No, you passed the test, you’re now a Certified Health and Hygiene Inspector (Class D- Small Retail Food Storage and Service)”  
And Billie is just SWEATING as she leaves the building, because she knows about The Problem, but maybe this wouldn’t count? Like, it’s not like she works for the government or anything. It’s just a dumb piece of paper that says she’s allowed to fill out other dumb pieces of paper. That can’t count. It’s not like her JOB changed or anything. 

But, as soon as she steps out into the night and makes her way to the Bus stop, a slim figure steps out of the shadows and falls into step next to her.
“Ah, Inspector Lestrade, congratulations on the promotion. I have a few questions for you about-”
And Health And Hygiene Inspector (Class D- Small Retail Food Storage and Service) Billie Lestrade repeats the three words that have become motto and mantra for her family. 
“Go Away Holmes”. 

Health And Hygiene Inspector (Class D- Small Retail Food Storage and Service) Billie Lestrade: Sir, this is a Wendy’s.

Reposted from https://lies.tumblr.com/post/674458155527307264.

Wednesday, January 26th, 2022

rebakitt3n:

chameleons-and-tea:

catsi:

catsi:

in grade 12 we were reading romeo and juliet and we were at the romantic-ass balcony scene and this hot girl in the class volunteered to read juliet’s parts and i put up my hand to volunteer for another part and the teacher goes ‘oh do you want to be the nurse, amanda?’ and i was like ‘no i wanna be romeo’ and the hot girl swiveled around in her seat to give me a Look™

she and i later ended up making out at a bunch of parties in university lmfao

in retrospect this moment was absolutely pivotal to my butch awakening but it was also just a lesbian power move

I too got a girlfriend over this play. In grade 10, I was reading the balcony scene to study with two other people (one guy and one beautiful girl) and I insisted point blank I had to read as romeo, because he had the most lines and I’m a dramatic little shit.

So the other two in my group are used to my antics by now. We’re all friends, so the pair of them decide that the one guy in our group gets to be the nurse. Now, my Juliet and I have been friends for a couple months by this point, so I decide to be a little more dramatic.

We put Juliet on a spinny chair, and pump it up as tall as it goes, and my baby, closeted lesbian ass crouches on the floor, ready to be as melodramatic as possible. Like, I’m about to do a rendition that makes William himself walk into the class and tell me to take it back a notch or twelve.

And then I look up.

And holy shit.

There she is, Juliet, haloed in the worst fluorescent light known to mortals across the globe. Light just streaming down around her, that weird off-green colour that it always is. And she’s the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. My little gay soul is barely holding on as the words barely leave my lips, breathlessly. “But soft… what light from yonder window breaks?”

And Juliet was the sun. Romeo was not exaggerating that line at all.

Juliet and I have also been together for more than 4 years now. She’s every bit as spectacular as she was when I was a lovestruck teenage Romeo, kneeling on the yellowed linoleum floor of second block english.

Reposted from https://lies.tumblr.com/post/674457682373197824.

Wednesday, January 26th, 2022

garyachapple:

North End Of Cranberry Marsh 

Lynde Shores Conservation Area, Whitby, Ontario, January 04, 2022 

Reposted from https://lies.tumblr.com/post/674457556863860736.

Wednesday, January 26th, 2022

anonsally:

So, @lies, I finally decided to upgrade my binoculars. (Well, actually, my father got me a better pair for my birthday. Thanks, Dad!) Both @llamapunk and another of our coworkers have the Nikon 8×42 ProStaff 3S Binoculars, and so I was able to try them out before deciding to get them. They were highly rated by the Audubon Society, and, though still in the budget category, they are decidedly better than the ones I’ve been using.

The eyepieces can be adjusted close enough together for my narrow-set eyes. However, the radius of the eyepieces is larger than that on my 10×25 pair, so my slightly wide nose bridge gets a little in the way. Still, the view is substantially better because so much more light gets in–and I frequently birdwatch in the very late afternoon. 

They do weigh more than my tiny binoculars, of course, but I got a sort of harness thing to use instead of a neck-strap, and that definitely helps. 

So far I have only gone birdwatching with them once, but it was good and I’m looking forward to many happy birdwatching expeditions! [Plus I used them to identify the Bewick’s wren in the bushes outside my window yesterday!]

Excellent! Binoculars are by far the most important piece of birdwatching gear, since you use them pretty much all the time. Other stuff (books and apps, spotting scope, camera) are nice and can make a difference, but the bins are key. So glad to hear you’ve stepped up to a nicer pair!

The harness is really nice, too. It requires (in my case) overcoming a little bit of self-consciousness to use it, because it’s more obviously proclaiming to the world that I’m all-in on my nerdy obsession. But that’s mostly my inner self-conscious teenager talking. At 59 I think I’ve reached the point where I can successfully ignore him, at least on this particular point. And the harness is much more comfortable, especially for longer sessions.

Reposted from https://lies.tumblr.com/post/674456663037804544.

Tuesday, January 25th, 2022

reapersun:

reminder series: bleak yet comforting thoughts.

i specifically chose animals that are (or believed to be) extinct due to human influence: thylacine, great auk, baiji, west african black rhino, golden toad, dodo, passenger pigeon, and quagga. there are many other species i could have included. the plants are also based on extinct species, but i found much less information about extinct plants, unfortunately.

the text doesn’t necessarily relate to each animal or their extinction. it’s all basically the same idea: let’s all be nice to each other, because today, the universe is vast and incomprehensible, we are all suffering, we are all going to die, and we’re all in this together. for today.

i’m busy for a couple weeks with conventions, but after that i’m considering a companion series with ancient extinct animals, so feel free to send me your favorites :)

Reposted from https://lies.tumblr.com/post/674411419546107904.

Tuesday, January 25th, 2022

lionfloss:

Svetoslav Bonev

Reposted from https://lies.tumblr.com/post/674404680881897472.

Tuesday, January 25th, 2022

november-photos:

Autumn at the lake

Reposted from https://lies.tumblr.com/post/674385807120957440.

Tuesday, January 25th, 2022

geopsych:

This morning before the sun rose.

Reposted from https://lies.tumblr.com/post/674366932701642752.

Monday, January 24th, 2022

quotemadness:

“So, if you are too tired to speak, sit next to me because I, too, am fluent in silence.”

— R. Arnold

Reposted from https://lies.tumblr.com/post/674314084804706304.

Monday, January 24th, 2022

Reposted from https://lies.tumblr.com/post/674308554208985088.

Monday, January 24th, 2022

geopsych:

Six seconds of my birthday last spring: dandelions, violets, and softly moving shadows.

Reposted from https://lies.tumblr.com/post/674295213884391424.

Monday, January 24th, 2022

shipwreckedcomedy:

Jaime Lyn Beatty reads Mabel, a tour guide at the Museum of Historys. She’s got a penchant for baking that has resulted in more than one fire. 🔥

Join us for The Local Haunt, January 29 at 5 pm Pacific!

Reposted from https://lies.tumblr.com/post/674288513921040384.

Monday, January 24th, 2022

stephiramona:

.

Reposted from https://lies.tumblr.com/post/674276334536622080.

Sunday, January 23rd, 2022

Reposted from https://lies.tumblr.com/post/674223486455218176.

Sunday, January 23rd, 2022

arturpastor:

Série “Vidas Difíceis”, Póvoa de Varzim, décadas de 50/60.

Reposted from https://lies.tumblr.com/post/674204620003983360.

Sunday, January 23rd, 2022

earthporn:

“Crash and Wake” 2022. Kiama, NSW, Australia. I’ve finally accomplished my dream of capturing the relationship between the the ocean meeting the land in it’s most aggressive manner. [OC] [7298×5213] by: JyeBerryPhoto

Reposted from https://lies.tumblr.com/post/674185736135884800.

Saturday, January 22nd, 2022

mylonesomeblues:

Joni Mitchell, 1976. Photos by Joel Bernstein.

Reposted from https://lies.tumblr.com/post/674132887511121920.

Saturday, January 22nd, 2022

grumpygreenwitch:

writing-prompt-s:

When we get to space, we learn that humans aren’t the “space orcs” we expected. In fact, we’re closer to space elves: the most elegant, the least brutish and violent and warlike, and the longest lived by far.

There are so few of them left.

One can go cycles without seeing a human. Hearing of them, yes. When our ship docked with the Angaasi space station, we heard tales of one that had come on board with a multi-species caravan, leading a mixture of generation and cryo ships to a new system; well, new to us. The human said it was a “sloom” – a system with society-supporting tech that had been left empty.

It was something to do with the Brightwars, when it seemed as if the whole universe would catch on fire from fusion weaponry and planet-eaters and it just escalated on and on and on. But no one knows for sure; so many died in the Brightwars that there were simply not enough bodies to continue fighting a war, let alone the hundreds of them that were raging. Entire species gone. Entire planets emptied of high-sentience lifeforms. Entire systems gone silent and dark. Survivors regrouping where they might. In the end, even enmities faded away, simply because there was no one to keep track of them.

Except the humans, and they will not tell of it.

Some claim humans reveled in the fighting. It’s said they learned at a prodigious rate; you could give a human any tech, and they would figure it out before their home planet had fully swung around their sun. Sklip, they might just figure it out before their moon had fully swung around their planet. They could break apart any mechanism and put it back together, the same or better than it had been before. They could take something broken that no one knew how to fix, and fix it. Or at least have it perform a function, even if it was not the original one. They could put pieces together in ways no one had ever imagined.

So, of course, someone handed them weapon-tech.

A few heretics say humans started the Brightwars, and reveled in the violence. No one believes them, of course. But they did fight in them, to the bitter, violent end, hard as it might be to believe. In the end, they were one of the few races fighting to end them, using tech they’d learned on the fly and improved on the go to ferry out survivors. There are many races who are alive today only because of their intervention. And they will likely never meet a human so as to thank them.

They don’t multiply as fast as other races. It’s absurd, really. In the time it takes the Blixii to establish a colony of hundreds, humans might bear and raise to adulthood a single spawn. One. And that’s if conditions are perfect.

I’ve seen one, up close. It’s hard to imagine how something so slender, so delicate, survived the Brightwars. They are as tall as a Taldo, with barely a third of their bulk. Their limbs are long and graceful, their fingers capable of such fine manipulation as only a machine can match. There’s no bulk, no hide, no chitin, no armor to them, no double density to bone or muscle, no silicon to their carbon structure. They are reeds, they are gossamer. When they enter a room one cannot help but feel rough and imperfect. They are so light they move in near perfect silence. Their bones weight a fraction of those of any other race, and this allows them a grace and agility unheard of. Their eyes are so simple, and yet full of such profound wisdom.

Adam came on board our vessel under less-than-ideal conditions. He’d been helping the Taldo figure out some issues with the meteorological controls in their home system, and he’d been badly injured. The Taldo were in such a panic that we, the nearest ship with fold-tech, were allowed to jump directly into the heart of their system; I don’t think any non-Taldo has set foot on their homeworld since before the Brightwars. Despite the injury, he was still gracious, cheerful even. He was of a height with a juvenile, and I could have probably wrapped one hand around his waist. His skin was pale red, like that of an albino – he was a summer reed among the rainbow of greens of the crew. One of his arms had been secured to his torso, and the first thing the Taldo told us was to make sure that he would not lose it, as he could not regrow it. His eyes were brown and, while it was obvious he was in pain, they almost never lost their keen curiosity. His hair was white and so fine one could have woven the finest fabric from it, if he’d not cropped it short.

It was a short trip. We folded directly out of Taldo space, and suddenly our “precious cargo” status cleared us the top slot at every jump-gate and fold-point all the way to the gate that would take us to the human homeworld. There, Adam assured us, was the technology to mend his bones and his respiratory system. I, as the most senior non-officer in the crew, was assigned to him personally. I spent most of my time chasing him into the engine chambers and the maintenance ducts. He made friends with all of the engineering crew, and most of the foundry personnel.

Artee-efem issue,” Adam told me when I finally dredged up the courage to ask him what had happened, and smiled at my ignorance of his language. “It is what happens when you think you know all technology, and find out you didn’t. The Taldo systems aren’t Taldo-tech. It was… a surprise.” His expression brightened. “But I have learned something new, and that is always worthwhile. What is it you do, young Steelrender?”

“We’re salvagers, sir.”

He winced. “Just Adam, please. Salvagers. Still traveling the universe, I see.” He looked thoughtfully at me then, and I felt as if he were looking at my ancestors, standing in my shadow. “Your people have ever loved the traveling as much as the arriving.”

It was the first time he mentioned knowing of our people before us, but it would not be the last. He tried to explain to us, but the concept that gravity and time dilation might be cumulative spiraled off into quarters of mathematics that greater minds have tried, and failed, to grasp. He insisted that it was not that humans lived longer, but that everyone else lived faster. The difference was, as far I’m concerned, no difference at all. He gave up trying to explain to our navigators and engineers with profound grace, and instead had me take him to examine the salvage pods. Everything fascinated him. The people, the machines, the interactions. He learned everything. His mind was boundless.

“Is there truly room in your head for all of this?” I asked him once, when he was making ready to retire.

“Of course. In my head and yours,” he replied cheerfully.

“I’m a salvager. That’s all I know.”

“Are you sure? Have you tried?”

The question, like so many of his, stumped me. “The thing is, Steel,” he explained carefully. He had to be, or he’d spiral off into terms and concepts too far beyond most beings in the galaxy. “Trying doesn’t cost you anything. In the time you’re spending here, fussing over an old lame beast like me, you could be learning to forge. Or to maintain the cooling systems. Or anything else.”

“You’re not old! And someone else already does that.”

“Out here in realspace, I am exceedingly old. And what happens if tomorrow a big old rock hits the ship and every engineer dies spaced?”

Everything in me froze. Of course you worry about accidents in space, it’s space. “Well, it couldn’t be all of them.”

“Could it not? It’s good to know a little bit of everything. Your people did, once. They loved knowing how to put things together almost as much as they loved taking them apart.” His expression suddenly shifted to sorrow. “Of course, it also helps to know how to use it. And when. And when not to.”

He said no more on the matter, and we brought him home as quickly as we could. One of their sleek little ships came up to meet us in orbit, gleaming like a bird against their sun; their planet has no docking platforms, planet-side or orbital. He allowed me to help him onboard, where the machines of his people waited to heal him.

“I thought your people would come to help you,” I admitted.

He laughed, but that sorrow was back. “Oh, Steel, there are not enough of us for that. There’s too many aio-ioos, and too few of us to pay them off.”

“Because of the Brightwars?”

He went so still. So very still. “Yes,” he admitted at last. “Because of the Brightwars.”

“Did you fight in them?”

His expression turned sheepish. “You’re younger than I thought if you’re curious about them already. How long has it been for your people, Steel? Five generations, six?”

“Ten,” I told him and proudly slammed my fist to my chest. “I am the tenth of my name.”

He winced. “A berserker’s salute. Some things never do change… Steelrender. Is that a salvager name, or an ancestral name?”

“Ancestral. From B-”

“Balgor Steelrender.” His expression turned wry. “I thought you looked familiar.”

“You knew my c- our clanmother?”

“Know her? I fought her.” He settles down as the machines scan him. “It’s nice to know she made it out alright.”

“Fought her?!”

“Oh, yes. Most terrifying day of my life. Your people were hell on the battlefield. No one sane wanted to fight you.”

“… But you did. Humans did.”

“We did,” he admitted ruefully, as the machines helped him lie down and surrounded him in their healing glow. I knew it wasn’t magic. Of course everyone knows it’s not magic. But it’s so far beyond what anyone knows of tech that… Yeah, it might as well be magic. “What that says about us, I leave to you. But yes, in my youth I fought against your people. And then with them.”

“Against, and then with… But that doesn’t m-” It does. But at the time I was too dense to figure it out. “At the end. So it’s true, you’re the ones who ended the Brightwars.”

“What? No!” He laughed. “There weren’t enough left of us to end a mess hall brawl by then, let alone a war, let alone the war. No, we did what we do best: we advised. We supported. We helped. And in the meantime, we tried to preserve what was left. People. History. Knowledge. We were too busy squirreling away bits and bobs of information to end anything, let alone the Brightwars. No, Steel, your people did. The Brightwars daunted even them, that’s how bad it was. That’s why they must never happen again. But then,” his smile turns mischievous once again, as if he were letting me in on a joke ten generations in the making, “who better to defeat war itself than an orc?”

Reposted from https://lies.tumblr.com/post/674114018483585024.

Saturday, January 22nd, 2022

vintagecameraporrrn:

Brassaï – Paris nocturnes

@mono-krom

Reposted from https://lies.tumblr.com/post/674095183355346944.

Saturday, January 22nd, 2022

corndogsonmainst:

Reposted from https://lies.tumblr.com/post/674095139041460224.