More Good Philosoraptor Material

There’s a point where reality gets so absurd that it subverts any possible effort to parody it. I’m not sure what the people at The Onion are going to do with this. In the meantime, Philosoraptor has a nice treatment of the latest insanity: Still more irrelevant and dishonest rationalizations for the wiretaps:

The short version:

Q: Isn’t this illegal?

A: We have to move FAST to stop the terrorists!

Q: But can’t you get retroactive warrants?

A: Yes, but we have to move faster than that! The president’s approach allows him to actually act so quickly that he travels backward in time to thwart the enemies of freedom!

Q: Since the president has non-zero mass doesn’t that violate the laws of physics?

A: The president was granted the authority to violate the laws of physics by the authorization to invade Afghanistan.

Q: Doesn’t that not make any f*cking sense whatsoever?

A: We cannot discuss any aspect of this or any other matter because it will compromise national security.

One Response to “More Good Philosoraptor Material”

  1. ifunky2 Says:

    I am so upset, I am simply livid. I have gone through such a full gambit of emotions since this man’s re-election. Yes I am a staunch liberal, however I am not aligned with any one party. I used to get my emotions in a turmoil thinking about how this present administration has far more damage too the American way of life than any terrorist to date could have in their wildest dreams.
    Then I vacillate, and I think it is American’s own choice (fault) that this despot is tolerated. Personally he has consistently insulted my (high school drop out) intelligence and education in civics and patriotism. Yesterday morning I sent a letter too the two congressmen and one representative from the state I am presently residing in. Then during the day I spent some time online, in various chat rooms. I was appalled and feel my most ill feelings about the majority of the American public were staunchly confirmed. The majority of American citizens condone Bush’s actions. They condone torture. They believe in the (er hurrumph) righteousness of denying an accused person “due process of law”. The feel powerless and that there is “nothing you can do anyway”. So they go about their lives, discussing the best fishing hole, or what the latest porn they downloaded is like. They have very little if any education in civics. They haven’t a clue what the word “patriot” means or what their responsibility as one is.
    I do not understand anything about this whole guise of terrorism. There are none in my neighborhood. (And don’t tell me that is because they have been secretly squelched before they could do damage). Regardless of my personal conspiracy beliefs, I do not buy for a moment that Osama Bin Laden, got away “under cover of darkness” with 100′s of his troops. I have not heard of him ever once, taking claim for sept. 11th. I have heard of other terrorist leaders in Iraq calling for a “taking up of arms”, but that was to bomb the Kuwaiti and southern Iraqi oil fields.
    What I do hear is citizen after citizen saying inane things about a peoples they know nothing of. One such poster at a similar blog to this said “we should nuke the whole middle east starting with turkey and….” Apparently this person hasn’t a clue that Turkey has remained neutral through two world wars and is perhaps our greatest ally in the (supposed) “war on terror”
    I personally am ashamed that my fellow countrymen/women are so ready, willing and able to toss 200 years of law and order into the trash can. George Bush says in his oft spouted rhetoric that “it is irresponsible and unpatriotic to challenge his judgement” I say that George Bush is the worst insult to my grandfather and father who fought in the first two world wars. To my direct ancestry that were part and parcel the governing of the 13 colonies and then the organization of the American revolution as well as the forming of the new government that we knew up until George Bush took office !
    The only thing I find more despicable and reprehensible is the present majority attitude of the American populace. I consider myself a patriot. I have said most of my 45 years of life “America love it or leave it!”
    Apparently it is time. Time for me to save some money (before the economy collapses) and expatriate. I am ashamed to be called an American, in light of what a contemporary American is today. I am heart sick that I have to leave my own homeland in the name of “homeland security”. I can not be part and parcel to the rise of this fascist despot!
    I am writing fervently in a (seemingly) futile effort to find support amongst fellow citizens to keep America,(what used to be) American! But the key word here seems unfortunately be “futile”
    I have written my senators and congressmen. I have blogged. I have canvassed the public about me. I demand accountability of my leadership. I demand the upholding of the constitution and the Bill of rights. I demand all citizens or foreigners accused by the authorities that be, within the United States of America, to honor a persons “RIGHT” to “due process of law”. with out these values being upheld we have nothing more that a degradation of state. The degradation and erosion has gone far enough.
    I demand the immediate impeachment of the treasonous tyrant that inhabits the Oval office! He is a self professed criminal, and has now vowed to vehemently continue to thumb his nose at our most sacred of law documents.
    I call on my fellow Americans to demand of their elected representatives, to move for the immediate impeachment of this text book, dictionary defined despotic leader. I say if you sit there and do nothing of substance to demand this, then you are guilty as well!
    The United Kingdom is moving to create legislation that anyone that is found to aide and abet CIA flights that transport uncharged detainee’s, can be tried as accessories.

    Are you an American? do you believe in Justice? Do you uphold the laws of this fine nation? Are you willing to put out an iota of the effort your forefathers did to afford you this time to decide whether to take action or pay the price of your complacency?

    I have ranted enough, here, I will be on my way I have much to do. Much writing, in an effort to influence my fellow citizens to come out of their “consumer oriented slumber” and take action. As well, I feel it is time to start packing my bags because I shame to say “I have no faith in the majority of my fellow American citizenry”!

    Before I go I would like to depart with this few simple quotes –>

    “I don’t give a goddamn,” Bush retorted. “I’m the President and the Commander-in-Chief. Do it my way.”

    “Mr. President,” one aide in the meeting said . “There is a valid case that the provisions in this law undermine the Constitution.”

    “Stop throwing the Constitution in my face,” Bush screamed back. Bush screamed back. “It’s just a goddamned piece of paper!”

    #

    Nineteen men armed only with box-cutters and their fanaticism successfully hatched a plot totally unnoticed by America’s $40bn a year intelligence-gathering machine.
    One of the most bizarre ironies of all this is that five of the hijackers lived in a motel right outside the gates of the NSA .

    #

    The man who so thoroughly insults my intelligence, spouted again recently..
    (amidst a spending of a billions dollars a month in Iraq alone, most of which is subsidized by loans from Korea, China, and Venezuela) that…
    “The American economy is the envy of the world”

    #

    entries found for fascist.
    1. often Fascist An advocate or adherent of fascism.
    2. A reactionary or dictatorial person.

    entries found for fascism.
    1. often Fascism
    1. A system of government marked by centralization of authority under a dictator, stringent socioeconomic controls, suppression of the opposition through terror and censorship, and typically a policy of belligerent nationalism and racism.
    2. A political philosophy or movement based on or advocating such a system of government.
    2. Oppressive, dictatorial control.

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