marykatewiles: I’ve really been struggling with discouragement lately. I know that everybody…

marykatewiles:

I’ve really been struggling with discouragement lately.

I know that everybody understands that making a living as an actor is hard, and I knew that, too, going into it; but it amazes me still, over five years since I shot my first feature film, how hard it really is.

It’s especially hard when you’re supporting yourself independently and struggling to make ends meet and the only lens you can see through is Money. It’s hard when everyone around you seems to be doing incredibly well and you put pressure on yourself to do the same in a business that is very largely arbitrary and out of your control.

And everyone has dry spells, and we all know this, and these things have their seasons, but it can be very difficult to not lose your mind when you try very hard to do everything right and indeed, have gotten very close to some big jobs, only to find yourself helpless and at the mercy of a system that makes little sense and is very hard to crack.

And I’m not asking for sympathy, or encouragement, and when I think back on all the things that I DO have I feel pretty ridiculous for having these feelings in the first place, but I guess I just, I want to be honest. This career isn’t easy, and the fear of trying to do everything right and still not getting anywhere is very, very real.

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