thebrainscoop: somuchscience: Grad School: Is this real…
Grad School: Is this real life?
Now that I’m settling into life as a graduate student, I’m rapidly realizing that my expectations for life as a PhD student were, let’s say, inaccurate… So I’m starting a list of things I wish I had done while an undergrad to better prepare myself for doing science in the Big Leagues:
1. Calculus. (No really, lots of calculus. Not just I-took-calc-freshman-year-so-I-guess-that’ll-cover-me-for-the-rest-of-my-life calculus, but rather holy-flaming-shit-balls-if-I-take-any-more-calc-I’ll-explode-and-accidentally-get-a-math-major calculus.)
2. Stop using the Imperial System! (Convert to the metric system. And not just “convert” like Christians become an agnostic in college. I mean CONVERT! Total life overhaul. Rulers with imperial and metric units? SAW THEM IN HALF! Milk only comes in gallons? BUY A COW! Gas only sold by the gallon? MEASURE INTO SODA BOTTLES AND CALL IT PETROL!)
3. Write a grant. (I’m not sure why I never realized it until now, but scientists don’t exactly produce marketable goods and services, right? They make science. And that shit is hard to fit into the freezer section at your local Walmart. So for the next few decades I’ll be begging for hand-outs from the NIH, NSF, DOE, and people who actually make money.)
4. Schmooze. (Shop-talk with peers is all fine and dandy, but try bringing up the strengths and weaknesses of the Scientific Process with the men who INVENTED that shit…)
5. Become a barista or bartender. (Does, “Can confidently identify more than 150 bird species by sight and sound,” really look good on a résumé at Starbucks? I’ll tell you what, it looks a whole hell of a lot better than “has never actually worked outside of a lab or university.” What else would you expect when your résumé looks identical to your CV?…)
UPDATE: After receiving some pretty scathing reviews (don’t worry, they’re preparing me for when I attempt to publish my thesis), I’ve decided to add a few more recommendations for all you poor unsuspecting souls contemplating life as a grad student:
6. Write (Ok, yes, you hear it 10793 times as an undergrad, but really, we’re NOT joking. And neither is Reviewer 2. Reviewer 2 doesn’t have a sense of humor. It died in grad school.)
7. Get a “real” hobby. (When your monthly literature intake is equivalent to reading the ENTIRE BIBLE TWICE, you’ll thank me that you no longer consider “reading” your only hobby.)
8. CoffeeCoffeeCoffee! (Grad students basically have this shit on an IV drip 24/7, so you better learn to love it. And remember, the mocha is the gateway drug of espresso drinks. Embrace the addiction.)
9. Talk to ten-year-olds. (Your ability to explain stuff to toddlers will definitely come in handy when Dr. World’s-leading-researcher-in-cancer-genetics-and-molecular-physiology starts looking confused [and disappointed] around Slide #2 of your talk on bird behavior…)
More to come, I’m sure…
Robert and I became friends when he was working at the Slater Museum of Natural History in Puget Sound. Now he’s at The University of Montana working on a graduate degree and I’m so happy to say he’s been helping out in the beloved UMZM. This is some of the best advice I’ve ever read for preparing yourself for a graduate degree!
READ IT.
My daughter would appreciate this.
Reposted from http://lies.tumblr.com/post/61121972044.
