Onion: Area Man Passionate Defender Of What He Imagines Constitution To Be

Via Area Man Passionate Defender Of What He Imagines Constitution To Be:

“Our very way of life is under siege,” said Mortensen, whose understanding of the Constitution derives not from a close reading of the document but from talk-show pundits, books by television personalities, and the limitless expanse of his own colorful imagination.

Speaking of which, anyone read Sarah Palin’s new book?

9 Responses to “Onion: Area Man Passionate Defender Of What He Imagines Constitution To Be”

  1. shcb Says:


    Dad’s great, but listening to all that talk radio has put some weird ideas into his head,” said daughter Samantha, a freshman at Reed College in Portland, OR. “He believes the Constitution allows the government to torture people and ban gay marriage, yet he doesn’t even know that it guarantees universal health care.”

    sounds like the whole family needs to go back to school, oops she’s already in shcool, wonder who put those notions in her head.

  2. Smith Says:

    I might be misreading your post (sarcasm is not always conveyed well in text), but you do know that The Onion is a satire, right?

  3. shcb Says:

    Aaaa yeah I know it is satire, is this satire? I thought maybe they were branching out. If this is satire just hand me a towel so I can wipe the egg off my red face.

  4. shcb Says:

    I mean I know the onion is satire,

  5. knarlyknight Says:

    That was funny. shcb I mean. Haven’t the attention span even fr Onion tonight, but on a related note would like to pass on a great comment from a journalist of the New Republic being interviewed on the CBC. He was on a train near St. Petersburgh in 1982, sitting next to a Russian University proessor. The professor stated that the USSR’s people got more truth from their news sources than Americans get. The journalist, then a visiting student from some Western country, asked whatever could he mean by that, how could that possibly be true? Well, replied the professor, in America the people will read the NY Times or what have you and get very detailed accounts of what is presented as truth, but often is found out years later to not be entirely truthful, yet the people believe most of what they read. In the USSR, everyone who reads the paper knows it is full of lies, but they read seven or eight different papers and find other unofficial reports and sort of “triangulate” what must be true from the various accounts. In that way the Russian’s are more discerning and ahve a better understanding of events than the mislead Americans.

    Just something to think about.

  6. shcb Says:

    tonight? Hell I hadn’t even started drinking yet.

  7. enkidu Says:

    What makes this extra funny is that minority ‘leader’ John Boehner recently extolled the virtues of the Constitution to a crowd of teabaggers while quoting the Declaration of Independence.

    Smarter than a fifth grader? Evidently not.

    Why trust yer lying eyes, eh?

    oh and the fact that wrong wing clearly had no idea this was satire… rich!

  8. NorthernLite Says:

    Wow. That’s what I call deliciously ironic! No wonder these people are so consumed with attacking intellect, they are severely lacking any resemblance of it.

    I saw that older blonde lady (congresswoman?) standing behind Boehner in the clip on Chris Matthews last night and Chris asked her if she new where the Fort Hood shooter went to college. Very smugly she replied, “Oh I dunno, probably Harvard.” (actually it was South Carolina). Chris then went on to blast her over the comment and this whole R strategy of attacking people for being smart. It was pretty good and left her speechless.

  9. knarlyknight Says:

    The entirety of the Bush presidency was an attack on the intellect of Americans, and a glorification of knee jerk reactions using gut instincts rather than logic applied introspectively and externally before acting.

    The result was a squandering of near universal support for America in 2001 and the infliction of critical injuries to the worlds largest economy.

    America is now walking a tightrope between a long and difficult recovery on the one side and a descent into epic wars over world resources, hyperinflation, and an ever eroding US dollar on the other.

    For your sake and that of our children, I hope Americans do not cause Obama to stumble.

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