’s Ninja Obsession

from the he’s-joking.-I-hope. dept.

Worth a look is, a site all about ninjas, at least as interpreted by a frighteningly typical adolescent American male. Then there’s this site, which is a parody of the first one (I think, though since the first one is hopefully a parody already, I’m not sure if that’s completely kosher), with the focus shifted to hippos.

61 Responses to “’s Ninja Obsession”

  1. Milo Says:

    i just think that it is rather obvious that really is just an entertainment site, nothing to be taken seriously out of that context, or maybe i am wrong?

  2. John Callender Says:

    Well, yeah. Though obviousness is in the eye of the beholder. Take that site. There appear to be plenty of people who think it’s serious. Go figure.

  3. Ali Says:

    It’s just for entertainment, nothing more. Anyone who is stupid enough to actually DO anything on the site or take it seriously deserves whatever happens to them.
    Purhaps parents should step in and monitor what their kids see, instead of leaving it up to them.
    And I seriously do not see how it should really offend anybody.
    You can find far worse things by simply turning on your television.
    There are worse things that are out there.

  4. Sean Says: is the funniest site I have ever seen. not only because of the content (which I find to be unbearably funny) but also because of the hate mail. It makes me laugh so hard at the people that get so angry at this site. Please send more hate mail to this site. Your stupidity is a wellspring of enjoyment for me. In summation, thank you thank you thank you to the creators of this delightfully funny (totally SWEET) site and to all that send the passionate hate mail!

  5. Joe Moma Says:

    I have this strange feeling all the hatemail is written by the author of the page.

  6. dave fitz Says:

    According to the best of my research, ALL of the ‘hatemail’ letters are total frauds, including the entire ‘lawsuit’ thread.
    Some are attributed to ‘Anonymous’ or the equivalent, but the names that permit of tracking are apparently being wrongly used, especially the various martial arts teachers.
    I realize the humor involved, but tend to look rather dimly upon crediting(?) a real person with a moronic rant. If not actual defamation, such behavior treads rather too close to cruelty to be all that funny. It would be better if all of the ‘hatemail’ was ‘signed’ by equally made-up people.


  7. Julie Says:

    Ever heard of satire? Get off it, people.

  8. DeathMouse Says:

    Yeah I am pretty sure all the hatemail comments are frauds; check the URL of the CNN website. It isn’t, its the same server which hosts If you aren’t convinced try searching for the article at It’s pretty funny though.

  9. sink Says:

    realultimate power is the most hilarious website about insane nijas with shrot tempers and suicidal tendencies I have ever read. It made my cry. The author is an ingenious adolecent with multiple personality disorders and WAY too much time on his hands, but it wouldn’t be as good any other way. The hate mail is definently the creation of a part of the authors mind. My only complaint is that the frisbee thing doesn’t work.

  10. Jeremy Says:

    People please, there shouldn’t be any question as to the authenticity (or lack there of) of this site. Do you really need to check the server to see that the cnn stuff is total, yet hilarious bullshit? Would a worldwide news agency use language like “Afterward, he walked toward the exit, stopped, pulled down his pants and laid a log right on the court room floor.” Come on, use a little critical thinking here. I guess the fact that people are confused over this site shows how slick the author is. This is obviously not a kid. The esoteric logic, humor, language and writing style is beyond most children (and I guess adults too) yet is a convincing parody of someone that age. There are plenty of “winks” toward the audience, especially the blatant one at the end of the third ghost story, Le Big Party, where, “The ninja, having scared himself, beat his own ass in a paradoxical way. It was quite confusing for the hippos. But they were mature–they didn’t try to make sense out of non-sense. The hippos moved on, accepting those things they cannot change and surrounded themselves with only positive energy. By not defining what happened that day (or even themselves–their relation to it), they never limited their understanding and they never limited themselves.” Do what the author suggests and stop limiting youself by trying to make sense of everything and enjoy the stupidity.

  11. Michael Zipse Says:

    This kid(or adult) is a friggin’ genius.
    That’s all there is to it.

    The End

  12. Anonymous Says:

    This kid(or adult) is a friggin’ genius.
    That’s all there is to it.

    The End

  13. BarScotch Says:

    I read the purported CNN articles which were linked to, and they almost sound legit right up until the very end, when their glaringly obvious nature as fakes written by “Mr. Hamburger” becomes apparent.

    Let’s get a few things straight, here, folks. I happen to think that is hysterically funny. The first time I read some of the “Movie Scripts” I nearly wet myself with laughter.

    Some of the hate mail could be real, but it doesn’t seem likely. If it were real, the threats of a real ninja would probably leave the body of the audacious “Mr. Hamburger” lying in a ditch somewhere about 8 feet from his severed head, and we would not be currently enjoying and discussin his site.

    However, leaving aside all the debate as to whether his site is good or bad, clearly entertainment or not, he has done one really stupid thing by using the official logo and adding his own text to make a fake news story and passing it off as the real thing.

    I am sure CNN is aware of the problem, but I’ve been unable to find any media coverage of it. Whoever Robert Hamburger is, CNN could pretty much sue his ass into the ground.

  14. Cory Says:

    This site is hella funny, and Rob is my best friend, you all are dumb (unless you like it too)



  15. Jeremy Says:

    I did a google search on realultimatepower and found this little tidbit. It’s an interview with the site’s author by the radio news program Studio 360 and was aired on NPR a few months back.

  16. John Callender Says:

    That is cool; and by cool, I mean totally sweet. Thanks!

  17. devildog Says:

    I’ve personaly studied various books about ninja,and from my knowledge(which is actually small)I could tell you that the only credible thing on that ridiculous site are the pictures.Ninja were not blood thirsty maniacs that would kill themselves just because there was no one else to kill around!They didn’t “flip out” and kill whole villages!Hanzo Hattori from the Iga Ninja Ryu(not the guy from the video game!!)was actually one of the many Ninja that helped the bring about the “Meiji Restoration”….if you don’t know what the “Meiji Restoration” is the you should even be looking up info on Ninja!Besides,how credible can information coming from a twelve year old be?

  18. NIckel Says:

    Real Ultimate Power rocks my SOCKS OFF!, I like- totally flip out, he even put me in there! I’m the friggin hippo that helps the ninja play his guitar…man that was an AWSOME time- because we went out and porked hot babes all night after that.
    Anyone who hates the site is a PEE PEE head, and doesn’t know satire from their own ass.

  19. Anonymous Says:


  20. brad Says:

    realultimatepower is so funny. i laughed until i cryed

  21. Kinworthy Says:

    for devildog and everyone else like him…. he needs to get a life and take things a little less serious… realultimatepower is the funniest thing i have ever seen

  22. mike Says:

    i dunno… i think hes a fuckin crazy retard. nobody would use their time to do this…

  23. Robert Hamburger Says:

    i skimmed through the comments here and regarding the hatemail on, half of it is real and half is fake. but i’ll never tell which is which.

  24. Mcfarlan Says:

    If I had only known about realultimatepower before I did my website…

    From one smart@ss to another…


  25. JOnaS Says:

    I think u have to be American to appreciate the realultimatepower type of humour.I reckon the ppl that enjoy this r the same type of ppl that find Jackass and Punk’d funny.Depressing really.Eddie Izzard.Now that chap is funny.

  26. Blin Says:

    Realultimatepower is extremely funny. Eddie Izzard is not. I have no idea what “punk’d” or “jackass” are.

  27. Antwan Lusk Says:

    No, Real Ultimate Power is so stupid, it’s brilliant, and by brilliant, I mean totally sweet. Jackass and Punk’d are just stupid.

  28. johnny Says:

    I wish I could get in contact with the creator to tell him how much I love his site. he is a genius. I really dont think I can sleep well until I do.

  29. kevin caroon Says:

    i think ninjas are dumb. i would love to see one of you “ninjas” come and chop off my head.FAGGOTS!!!

  30. Luke glidden Says:

    i think that kevin caroon should really die in a most painfull way of death. he is really really dumb….ninjaaaaaa POWWWER

  31. Fatal-Grace Says:

    To be honest when I saw the site for the first time I thought it was just a site made by a mad teenager.
    However seeing that this boy was supposed to be aged from 10-13 years of age I had doubts.
    1)I don’t think he could construct a web page at that age.

    2)Even though his rabbeling was incoherent at the best of times he used words and ideas not usualy in the grasp of a child.

    3)The news report looked so amatuerish that it could never had been real.

    It’s a funny site but not real….or if it is by some twisted turn of fate it’s done by delusional adult.

  32. Hippo Says:

    Just a comment to people that actually get upset or try to put something stating the illegitimacy of the information on this site: Get a life.

    RealUltimatePower is actually more funny than the author could have ever done by himself, simply because the world is full of stupid people that are far too serious.
    Therefore, if you plan on writing what an “actual” ninja is, or what information is incorrect on the site, please, save some dignity for yourself and just keep your obsessive “live in mom’s basement” comments to yourself.
    To those of us in the real world, Enjoy this great site!

  33. jacki Says:

    dude this site is fucking hilarious….

    i think if you can’t take it as a joke, then you’re just dumb and need to get looser underwear

  34. raymond coletrei Says:

    Hey, if theres any of you with some conections in hollywood that can get me a gig in the comedy biz do it please. I will sell out at any point in time. Like for example right now. Or even right now. my ninja page is just a insignificant crap in the pants compared to what I have to offer. But beyond all the jokes in the page the facts are REAL. And if you dissagree, let me here your useless rambling, so me and the rest of america can disregard your info as a desperate cry for ninja help. XXXXXX 6x is my new name. Way cool

  35. dan Says:

    Real Ultimate Ninja Rocks, in fact I really did almost crap my pants when I read the webpage.

    I love real ultimate ninja with all my body (including my pee pee0

  36. Mad Denis Says:

    REAL ULTIMATE POWER is a Badass Website : I’ve sent the link to ALL my friends and EVERYONE is craping their pants, because the site is just TOO SWEET!
    Those who don’t like it: you’re just a buch of boring morons who should get a life or try the frisbee seppuku – I’m off porking a bunch of hot babes! WICKED!

  37. Vladimir "Flea" Havoc Says:

    I want you all to know I tried to make a site to counter it, its at it needs to get updated ALOT but it was viewed by Hamburger himself. He doesn’t like it so its doing fine with me.

  38. Vladimir \ Says:

    Mad Denis-You are a complete ******* idiot, you know that I hope. That site is not sweet, and have you heard some of the stuff in the hatemail? The most recent was a 2 year old little girl is in the hospital because a 5 year old punk who went to his site took it seriouslly. People who actually take NINJITSU are going to get pissed, oh wait, they are. And all of you some day are going to get the **** beaten out of you. Another thing, I take Ninjitsu, and I know that ROBERT HAMBURGER HAS NO SKILL! Neither do you. And I know what skill is. Robert Hamburger suppousedly has a dojo, correct me if I’m wrong. He thinks he has enough skill to go into a grandmasters dojo and fight him and beat him. I would be scared, and at the same time honored, to go into a Grandmasters Dojo, and correct me if I’m wrong but there’s only 2 Grandmasters in the world left.

  39. Anonymous Says:


    Jack Nolan

    If you really want to argue about it e-mail me at

  40. NB Says:

    Wow… I am honestly astonished that anyone would take this site seriously in even the slightest way. As for the people who think it’s merely retarded, no kidding jackasses, that’s the entire point. I don’t understand how people can have such a lack of common sense and sense of humor. I can understand someone not appreciating this style of humor, but not understanding the entire concept… I think anyone that took the site seriously should be rounded up and used to fill pot-holes.


  41. shane Says:

    no kidding its not real. anyone that says that the site is a “stupid waste of time”, is wrong, if the author is 12 or 45, this is a great idea. can you honestly say that if you were to make a site such as this, and get this kind of huge reaction, you wouldnt be entertained? this is great, i wish i was the author of the site, its providing him with laughs to last years. this is awesome. its too funny to see people “flip out” over the credibility and such. i think that’s what the author intended when creating this site, only to get a stir out of idiots that get into it like this (myself included). and maybe it really was some 12 year old, intelligent beyond his years, just trying to make some crazy site because he got kicks out of ninjas. in any case, the author wins. he has his laughs while we fret over the “issues” this site provokes.

  42. andy Says:

    not only is it a badass website, but now this guy has a book out.
    the reviews are hilarious, and by hilarious i mean totally sweet.

  43. flibber gibbon Says:

    real ultimate power is dumb as its user. the kid had me lauphing, but then he started getting perverted. i hope he aint young. nobody should be that perved

  44. Melissa Says:

    this little kid is hilarious! i love this site and anyone who seriously is going to believe any of it enough to get all outraged as if no one else could tell that it’s not SERIOUS is really goddamned retarded! oh well, props sir rob!!!

  45. Dan Says:

    Anyone who puts up a webpage for entertainment could only pray for this kind of attention! As a musician friend of mine says “I should rob a bank and get caught — I would go to jail, but everyone would know my name (and buy my records).” For each person who screams about hating it, 10 people discover and love REAL Ultimate Power. It still amazes me that there are people that get offended by this! But, there’s no accounting for taste…except mine — I love REAL Ultimate Power! Its truly genius. I haven’t laughed so hard in a long time…

  46. Gribroghnargiblarz the Warrior Says:

    Vladimir, your site is retarded, its not even funny. No wonder you only have 35 hits. YOU ARE LAME. Your also stupid enough to believe most of the hatemail and you don’t realize that ITS A JOKE. OMFG. Anyone with over 2 working brain cells can see that its just a big joke. You people getting all offended probably watched Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon and got all mad because people were flying through the trees and defying gravity. I bet you flipped out in Lord of the Rings because THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A GIANT EVIL EYE! So what if ninjas don’t flip out and go spastic. The fact that they don’t is what makes this stuff all that much more hilarious. Besides, if parents would teach their kids right from wrong there wouldn’t be kids running around nowdays acting the fool. Everyone knows that parenting has gone straight to hell and very few parents will ACTUALLY take the time to discipline their kids. Now everyone just whines that they are a single mother blah blah, I don’t have time, oh cry me a river! You fucked, you poped out some little brats, FIND the time to train those little brats. Take responsibility instead of trying to make a great website into a scapegoat for your failings as a parent. Jesus H. Christ. You people suck. Real Ultimate Power is great.

  47. Josh Says:

    This is the greatest thing I’ve run across in a while. It’s a rare thing, to see such a unique and interesting website these days. And ultimately, it’s the impossibility of REALLY being offended by this site that makes it great. So it’s a kid obsessed with ninjas. Big deal. He doesn’t REALLY know anything about ninjas. And? He admits that he learned all he knows from movies. He’s somewhat perverted or violent. He’s a ten year old kid. That’s how it goes. There’s nothing wrong with being obsessed with ninjas that flip out and kill pirates.

  48. Balls Says:

    It’s amazing people still don’t get it. ROBERT HAMBURGER IS A FICTIONAL CHARACTER. Looks like i’ll have to repost this.

    Maybe it’ll get though your heads.

  49. *Not important* Says:

    I don’t care if this was fictional or not, I don’t even care if it was a joke. It is not funny in most of the people I’ve seen’s not-so-humble opinions. This site insults us true Ninja, and if is allowed to stay online, should not be called Official, nor should it be said that it is a site about “Real” Ninja. Someone Robert’s age should be ashamed for making this site.

    This type of comedy is for people who are…. well, I can’t think of anybody…

    *Not important*

  50. hamburgerhelper Says:

    This site had me fooled. for 2 seconds. ITs obvious thats some one had way to much time on thier hands. No ten year old could make a site like this. He is going to get slammed bad by nbc or whatever. All im say is that THIS IS NOT REAL. THE SITE IS Fake. It is not an insult to ninjas because insults are subjective. The end!

    PS. babaes to pork for all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  51. hamburgerhelper Says:


  52. wes Says:

    Well it would appear that the site was originally made by a college student… The hate mail is fake just about everything on it is fake really. I mean come on how would a kid make that website and get a book published.
    does reveal this in an interview with the creater.

    Needless to say I did buy the book and find it totally sweet. The real man behind this is very good at writing like a disturbed kid… Tho hes probably kinda wierd in real life.

  53. Emily Says:

    There is no better site!Its so cool and it made me laugh so hard, people stop goin so in depth with all this, just have some fun!

  54. Binoy Says:

    I think u have to be American to appreciate the realultimatepower type of humour.I reckon the ppl that enjoy this r the same type of ppl that find Jackass and Punk’d funny.Depressing really.Eddie Izzard.Now that chap is funny.

    Comment by JOnaS — October 6, 2003 @ 1:52 pm
    Hey jonas. I’m not american I’m from Asia and I find RUP the funniest site ever. But Jackass and Punk’d is plain old bullshit. People who doesn’t like the site are probably autistic or retarded people. And I agree with the comment of Jeremy. Robert Hamburger or whatshisname made his point on LeBigparty “But they were mature–they didn’t try to make sense out of non-sense. The hippos moved on, accepting those things they cannot change and surrounded themselves with only positive energy. By not defining what happened that day (or even themselves–their relation to it), they never limited their understanding and they never limited themselves. ” Thet didn’t try to MAKE SENSE OUT OF NON-SENSE! There you go. Read the last sentence again to let it sink on to you. If people don’t realize how funny is, then you guys are stupid morons.

  55. Meh... Says:

    well i doubt it is a kid of that age in the first place… and i have a feeling there might be a connection between maddox the pirate and this “kid” certainly maddox is clever enough to have constructed such a ruse as this… afterall anyone who can write maddox would gain some sort of pleasure by creating the ninja site like that… and no kid could ever publish a book… especially get crap like that past the editors… funny… i don’t believe that people actually think its a prepubescent kid who’s writing this stuff…

  56. cdub Says:

    this site is real, i peed on pirates all the time, and if you know whats good for you, you will stop talking about ninjas before my boner slaps your face in

  57. BigDog Says:

    The “true ninjas”? Giggle and guffaw. Loosers. I bet you can’t even fly. Pffffft.

    Seems to me that a “true ninja” today is kind of like a “true model-t repairman” or “knight’s squire”. None of em have any work and all are pretty dang useless. I cant say I have ever seen an ad for a ninja in the help wanted section. So, basically the “true ninja” is just asking us to make fun of them. The person who did this site, recognized this fact and beat everyone else to the punch. Note that he is actually making money making fun of you, while you train for a job you will never get. I dont think the Japanese (or any other) government uses ninjas much anymore. You’ve been outsourced to the military with the advent of gunpowder, infared goggles, body armor and fully automatic high power rifles.

    I am pointing at the “true ninja” posts and laughing now. If their authors were here I would point and laugh at them. Not the ones who do it to improve themselves like yoga, but the ones who do it to be a “silent assassin” and imagine kicking everyone they disagree with. Thats it!!! The “true ninja” posters who are mad about this website are mad becasue they see the element of truth in the post. They try to learn this stuff for exactly the same reasons listed on the website. They want to be kill people at will and have 19 boners. I can see why they would be mad – Hamburger exposed their true desires and they are incredibly embarassing. Bummer.

  58. Waddles Says:

    Ever notice that most of the pictures in the ‘ninja sightings’ section of is hosted on maddox’s website?

  59. AAAAUUUGGGGHH!!!!! Says:

    If you don’t like Hippos and Ninjas then go ahead and be a big baby. That website was sooooo sweet I almost crapped my pants at the website. I hope that Ninjas flip out in front of all of you. Then you will see!

  60. iam2hott4allu Says:

    you know wut i think i think that all this was done by the same person who did real ultimate power and i think all the hatemail is fake

  61. renz3 Says:

    you are all little bitches who can’t take the fact that ninjas RULE and all of you guys are samuris who suck major time and you guys are gonna seppuku yourselfs well then seppuku yourselves i dont care you old farts ( >_

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