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ehmeegee:
The concept of time is fickle, and the thing about nostalgia is that you never realize it’s a moment you’ll reminisce about until the chance to fully appreciate it has long disappeared.
I’m approaching the big anniversary and desperately wanting to articulate the past commemorative year of my life. I’ve always done this; compared my situation now to where I was a week, month, year, two years, five years ago, as if I’m in some race against myself and constantly competing for the win. But this time I don’t feel as though I ever had time to stop and catch my breath during the run, I just had to keep on going or risk being left behind.
When this journey started – and it had a definite start, which is perhaps the problem – it signified a divisive time between before and after. Coming back around again I can recall how I spent those long evenings in the beginning, desperately wanting to know what it was going to feel like when it was all said and done. I put an arbitrary limit on it: one year. The next year. This coming year. The next is quickly turning into this past and finally, I want to capture it, summarize it in a tasty phrase, present it in an easy-to-digest sort of way, as if that will dictate how I approach what else could be coming my way.
I would like to think that I’ve got another year on this roller coaster, that this trajectory is going to carry me like a rocket ship into the great and wonderful unknown, but this time I’m not so convinced. I feel like I’m the star that will go out, like it was novelty that took me so far, but charm has an expiration date. I was just happy to have the chance to go, go, go, and the next year I will spend becoming reacquainted with normalcy. Is this rational? I don’t know.
Maybe the reality is I can’t maintain obscene enthusiasm indefinitely, but what if I can? Things are changing, taking shape out of this nebulousness. The coming weeks arrive with a great deal of uncertainty. In a month I will be on a plane to Africa, feeling the ground of a brand-new continent underneath my feet. This world is far too vast and fantastic to become bored, complacent. No matter what I will continue to wonder, to try and understand the broadness of our consciousness, the expanse of our existence. I will never stop questioning – I simply hope that the world continues to marvel with me.
I ship Emily and adventure.
Reposted from http://lies.tumblr.com/post/68133655630.