kirythestitchwitch:okay so, I have a Story about a customer we had tonightso this guy in a fancy…

Saturday, February 6th, 2021


okay so, I have a Story about a customer we had tonight

  • so this guy in a fancy denim cowboy shirt (a jirt, if you will) came in during our dinner rush and ordered two burritos. the girl (T) doing the hot station (beans and rice and meat) was like “okie dokie, what do you want on them?”
  • this guy goes “I want Everything on the burritos, except the corn, jalapeños, and cheese.”
  • T pauses to check
  • “You want Everything?”
  • “Yes, all the meats, and then all the vegetables.”
  • “So you want… the steak, and the chicken, and the white meat chicken, and the ground beef, and the pulled pork, and the tofu?”
  • “What’s tofu?”
  • “A soybean protein, comes in spongy blocks.”
  • “You had me at protein, put it on!”
  • T turns to me. “Can we… can we do that?”
  • I slap on my manager tone of voice. “Sir, each extra scoop is going to be about $2.09-2.59 each, is that okay?”
  • he reassures us that is fine. I okay the Frankenburrito
  • T starts making his burritos. with each extra scoop the mound of food gets larger and larger. she is sweating bullets by the time she slides the first burrito to the cold table
  • so tonight was the first night J the new boy had been working cold. he has zero experience rolling burritos previous to the last two hours
  • he looks at this thing and goes “Do i…. have to?” o_o
  • absolutely not
  • I step up to the table and start piling on lettuce and cheese and pico de gallo and guac and onions and cucumbers and olives and cilantro
  • when I am done I look down at this thing, I look up at this man, and i sigh
  • Sir, I don’t mean to question your life choices, but can I put this in a bowl? there is no way I can roll this.
  • “No it’s fine,” he insists. “Just use another tortilla to like, extend them out, and then roll it up.”
  • ….
  • Sir.
  • “You can do this, it’ll be fine!”
  • so i get another 12" tortilla
  • like kinda overlap them?
  • and then sorta?? roll one into the other so it is a literal Tube of Meat
  • the ends did not fold in there was no Containing this thing
  • I grabbed another foil wrapper so I could roll this thing into two of them and kinda smash the ends in
  • I squinted at the customer
  • “It’s great, it’s fine!” he says, cheerfully
  • T hands me the Second Burrito
  • I do it ALL OVER AGAIN
  • and then take these two giant lumps to the cashier
  • the cashier, A, is looking over in horror
  • “[Kiry], how do I even ring those up???”
  • it’s okay, I’ve got this
  • the man requests no chips, so I pack each burrito (which for some scale is about the size of a small puppy each) sideways in a paper bag and put them in a plastic bag for carry out
  • I ring him up, adding scoop after scoop
  • $47.20 y’all, for two burritos
  • A is about to die
  • “$47.20????”
  • “that is what you get when you get fuckin Noah’s Ark over here!!” I say
  • I may have been having a stroke by that point
  • the man laughs and hands over his card np
  • “Are you okay?” he asks me
  • I am terrific
  • “Are you mad at me?”
  • Sir, this is the most delighted I have been in days. I am going to go on the internet and tell Everyone I Know this story
  • he is ecstatic. he takes his burritos, wishes us a great night, and leaves

I am unsure what kind of eldrich being is currently unhinging his jaw to devour these burritos since he was wearing a gaiter the whole time, but i wish him well

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Listen/purchase: Lost Alone by SPC ECO

Tuesday, June 16th, 2020

Listen/purchase: Lost Alone by SPC ECO

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redshoesnblueskies: zombeesknees: It doesn’t mean we’re…

Thursday, July 23rd, 2015



It doesn’t mean we’re engaged or anything. 

#said the most engaged man ever  #picking out baby names as he explains the grenade launcher  #’DOESN’T MEAN WE’RE ENGAGED OR ANYTHING‘  #’no ro-mo’  #aka my feelings about this and about you are totally professional  #this is a work event! we are colleagues!  #(srsly their first verbal interaction is ripley saying ‘where you want it’ all smug in the power loader  #and hicks just about breaking his face he smiles so big  #like literally doing the :-D face  #‘THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER’  #and he knooooowws it – ‘doesn’t mean we’re engaged or anything’  #it’s showing and HE KNOOOWS

oh good lord.  Now I have to see this again as soon as possible.

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