appropriately-inappropriate: hellomissmayhem: gaywitchesforabor…
Reading about abusive men and the way they think. Very unsettling and an incredible book so far. Here are my very professional notes.
what book is this?
This is from “Why Does He DO That” by Lundy Bancroft.
I’m so glad I’m seeing more and more Lundy Bancroft quotes on my dash because this book CHANGES THE LIVES OF ABUSE VICTIMS.
The programs run for rehabilitating abusive men through the courts? Bancroft DESIGNED THEM. His programs are replicated ALL OVER THE WORLD.
He literally wrote THE book on abuser rehabilitation.Here’s a link to a pdf copy. If you haven’t read this book yet, read this book.
Can we talk about how it seems like the entirety of the book is online on PDF, this making it accessible to anyone with an internet connection?
That is how we stop abuse.
We enable everyone to know what it looks like, so that when it happens, they can shut it down.
I once worked at a company that was run by a guy who was abusive in exactly this way. He was the son of the company’s (woman) founder, and he’d basically inherited it from her, and he ran every aspect of it down to the last detail. The company employed lots of women in important roles (like the head of the department I worked in, and most of the top idea people who worked under her). And he’d hold daily meetings to review new product ideas, and people would pitch to him, and he’d shoot them down or give them the thumbs up to the next round; pretty standard stuff.
But sometimes he’d get pissed about something (a mistake, something that had cost the company money, or something along those lines), and he’d just lose it. Screaming at the top of his lungs, grabbing things and throwing them against the wall (phones were popular). You could hear it throughout the offices. Everyone knew what was happening. Everyone would be talking in hushed voices, tiptoeing around…
Two other possibly relevant facts:
In one case I was aware of he dated a woman who worked there, someone I worked with a fair amount. She was in her early 20s, just out of college; he was in his late 40s/early 50s. As far as I was aware she went into it with her eyes open and consenting, but it had a really unhealthy vibe to it, at least from my perspective.
And there was the way he drove. He had a red convertible, a high-end one, that he drove really fast. (Really, he was a walking cliché.) And it happened that he and I had the same commute, and in the morning I’d often see him, because the freeway onramp that we both took was frequently backed up, with one of those traffic control lights that would allow one car per green, though there was a carpool lane next to it that didn’t have to stop. And I’d be sitting in the line of cars inching my way up to the light, when he’d go whipping by in the carpool lane, top down and his bald head shining in the sun, not caring who saw him alone in the car, not worried about the tickets he occasionally got; it was a small price to pay for the time he was saving.
I didn’t work there long, and the sense of being part of a family with an abusive husband/father at the head of it was definitely a factor in my leaving. But for all the screaming and breaking things, the sense of entitlement he displayed in his professional and personal relationships, it was the carpool-lane violations that bugged me the most.
Reposted from http://ift.tt/1DmkOXB.
Tags: tw: abuse.
