ehmeegee: In the next two months I’m giving talks at the Jet…
In the next two months I’m giving talks at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena, Montana State University in Bozeman, the National Science/Engineering Conference in D.C., the World Science Festival in New York, Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore, and our Women in Science group at the Museum. These speaking engagements started filling up last fall, slotting into every other weekend and filling the gaps in-between with our production schedule and research.
It’s like I’m on the dock of a harbor stocking our ship before we set sail to unknown lands in pursuit of a rumor. I’m in the awkward stage before fledging the nest, having spent the last few weeks dreaming of flight. While I’m not a stranger to public speaking the thought of standing in a room and professing my non-expertise to a group of expectant and incredibly accomplished professionals is debilitating. I wake up in the middle of the night in a panic from nightmares that I’ve proven to be an underwhelming disappointment, a broken record clicking about the benefits of story-telling and high levels of energy.
All of this feels like puberty, like learning to walk on shifting sands. A few weeks ago my father made a comment about how some 24-year-old women are probably more focused on the dilemma of who they’re going to grab a drink with next, or wedding plans, their research and budding careers- not what they’re going to articulate to a branch of NASA engineers. While I wish I could focus on one or the other I’m still gripped with insecurity about asking someone on a date to see a movie like Particle Fever because I don’t want to come off as… involved.
I waffle between these worlds of arts and science, traditional museums and new media, between relating to the messages of people with decades of experience compared to my quantifiable fourteen months. My biggest reassurance is that if I felt like I had it all figured out, I’d probably be pretty boring.
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